It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
