Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize