The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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