You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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