Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
