Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
