I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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