So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
