...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You brought string cheese to the strip club
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
