you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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