I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Come see our sink grown plant.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
