Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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