Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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