some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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