batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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