I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
