tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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