Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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