This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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