genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize