Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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