I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
