I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
And then he peed in my hair
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