it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
