he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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