Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize