I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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