I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
