I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
