: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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