So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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