I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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