Don't you send me to vm
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
