so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
