eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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