things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
