Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
