32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
