And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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