Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Randomize
