She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i think i just lost a toe
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
