508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
