how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
