I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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