if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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