The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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