I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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