and you said cock pushups were impossible
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
