So drunk its hurt
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
