I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
