You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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