With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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