All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
