Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize