Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Randomize
