i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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