He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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