Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
