he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I looked at my own cervix.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
