Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
