I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
