I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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