Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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