Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
