I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
