I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
