You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
