I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
