We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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